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The Man of 10,000 Lives

Mar. 24th, 2006 05:53 am Late Night Contemplations [locked to Di and Elliot]

I've had some real trouble lately. Bad even for me. Staying up late on a regular basis is nothing new; in fact, I do it frequently when I'm busily working on something. What's different is that I can't sleep. And I can't sleep because I can't stop myself from thinking about Jos and the situation she's gotten herself into.

Meditation isn't working nor is the medication that was working a few months ago. I try wrapping my mind around Jos's actions, and while I understand why she did what she did, I don't know what possessed her to do it without telling us what she was doing. Unless her need to recover, to gain back what she had lost the only way she could--I mean, not even the Tok'ra healing device was working. I can see Jos going to great extremes to get what she lost, if the right means were presented to her, and that's what we have here.

I don't know, I just thought things would be different here. I never thought she would cause security issues (because if I did, she wouldn't have gotten into the SGC, now would she? Yeah, that was rhetorical). Never thought that she would abandon us to the Goa'uld.

But does she constitute what she did as abandonment? Probably not. She sees it as insuring survival of self. I can relate with that: any means necessary for the self to survive. Without the mental self whole, the person is fractured, typically suffering from some kind of debilitating mental problem that has developed due to the loss. Acting irrationally is a symptom of this. Which Jos definitely did (Di--I know you don't want to be a part of this so much, but I need to talk to you more about your time in England with Jos). Maybe...maybe she can plead temporary insanity. That would be a smirch to her record (but what else does she have to lose, really?), a psychological exam with monthly followups, and a bump from the program but...what other options does she have? Plea bargaining may just work too.

I'm also afraid that my thinking her guilty for what she's been charged with will hurt her. So I'm back to the beginning: Should I defend her or should someone else, someone who isn't so invested? But then I rethink, and yes, I did make the right choice.

Is it bad that I cannot wait until all of this is over so I can actually SLEEP again?

Current Mood: distresseddistressed
Current Music: Enya...she usually calms the nerves. Usually

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Sep. 7th, 2005 09:03 am Insane? Quite Possibly

So my life isn't falling down around my ears any longer, and I am still going drinking--it's just for fun now, as opposed to going simply for getting totally sauced.  Oh, that's still going to happen, I'm positive, but the whole reason that got me there in the first place is different.  Like I said, this is for fun.

I never thought I would see the day when I become a social drinker.  The two things just don't go along together.  That's Jack's thing, not mine.  Though, I wonder if part of the reason why he started (not counting when he was a teen, because I bet he was one of those people who drank as a teenager) was out of depression.  One thing I'll never know the answer to, but it's something I cannot help wondering. 

I owe hieroglyphchick another call after this.  Something fun to look forward to...oh yes.

Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful

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Aug. 30th, 2005 11:46 pm I Think This is a Good Sign

I'm starting to feel the desire to go through the Gate again.  I hadn't even been thinking about it at all, but then it struck me after I completed the translations from P3X-262.

I just don't really want to be pent up anymore.  I know that it's me who is doing the penting up, but it's something I gotta stop.

So I'll talk to stargatesam and Jack, and get back to regular active duty.

That's that.  :) 

Though, before I do that, I suppose I'll have to send something on to heiroglyphchick.  I really should.  Or call her.  We haven't spoken since before we came back to Earth so...quite a while. 

Current Mood: satisfiedsatisfied

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Aug. 27th, 2005 12:05 am What Can I Say, Sometimes I Fall to Peer Pressure

So Livejournal has invaded the Pegasus Galaxy.  Because of this, I have decided to do more with this journal...not that I'm not regularly journaling already, it just isn't online.  I much prefer my own leather-bound journals to write in, thank you, but if I want to follow the times and keep in contact with everyone, I suppose this is the only way. 

Some of the blame can be placed on mcsnarkypants, because it's from him I got the links to everyone else's journals.  Whoever thought Rodney wasn't useful for something (*coughs* stargatesam) was mistaken. 

Current Mood: amusedamused

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